Phone Much?
by REloadREplay
Summary: Random phone calls fun? Heck Yeah! R&R please
1. Too many clicks

read the story!!!!!! review the story!!!!! enjoy the story!!!!!

oh yeah... DISCLAIMER: as much as I really want to I don't own FMA

okay so here is chapter one...

* * *

Al: Hey? Who all is here?

Ed: Me...

Winry: I am...

Roy: I left.

Ed: Yes... -pumps fists in air-

Roy: It was a joke Fullmetal...

Ed: ...Damn.

Winry: Hello Mr. Mustang.

Roy: Mr. Mustang...hmmm... that has a nice ring to it insert evil grin

Ed: ...Great job Winry...Boy, I like this sarcasm thing...

Roy: Edward, I'm now ordering you to address me as Mr. Mustang from now on...Riza too...ahahahh..

**_click_**

Riza: You will do no such thing. Right, Sir? -cocks gun-

Roy: -shiver- No ma'am.

Riza: Good Boy.

**_click_**

Ed: ...WHAT?! WHY?! UGHHHHHH!!! THANKS A LOT WINRY!!

Winry: IT'S NOT MY FAULT HE DECIDED TO MAKE YOU CALL HIM THAT!!!!!!!!

Ed: YES IT IS!!!!!!

Al: Brother, calm down...

Roy: Be quiet Al, I like it when he's angry.

Ed: SHUT UP! I WASN'T TALKIN' TO YOU!

Roy: How dare you talk to a higher ranking officer that way!! Just for that

I'm going to kill Santa Clause!

Ed: NO!...Then I won't get my coloring books...

Roy: Well you should have thought about that before you screamed at me.

Al: Brother say your sorry, I want my kitty!!! Please... -makes puppy dog eyes-

Ed: ...No.

Winry: Wait, you asked for coloring books?

Ed: Well yeah. Being on a train for a long time gets very boring...

Winry: What about crayons? Ever think about those?

Ed: Oh, I keep some in my pants.

Winry: ...

Roy: Ed, I'll entertain you.

Ed: Eww...

Roy: What, you don't like me? But I'm sexy.

Ed: No I don't and you're not.

Roy: Fine then!

**_click_**

Winry: Mr. Mustang?

Al: He left...

Ed: ...And you sound sad why?

Winry: You're mean Ed! He just wanted to keep you company!

Ed: NO, HE WANTED ME FOR HIS PET!

Winry: Quit yelling! No wonder Mr. Mustang left!

**_click_**

Al: ...Winry?

Ed: ...

**_click_**

Scar: Fullmetal?

Ed: Huh?

Al: Brother, I think a hobo found our number...I'm scared.

**_click_**

Scar: What!? I'm not a hobo!

Kain: Yes you are, but you're a sexy hobo.

Ed & Al: What?! OO -Their faces

Scar: Oh, do you think so?

Kain: Oh yes sir..._Scar Sweety_...

Ed & Al: Oo - Their faces

Scar: Meet me at Central Park. Now.

**_click_**

Kain: AHH! Wait for me, Honey!!!

**_click_**

Ed: I don't know if that was more wierd or gross...

Al: ...Brother, why are we talking on the phone?

Ed: Uh...I...I don't really know Al.

Al: Well...We are standing right beside one another.

Ed: Yeah I know. It just seemed like fun.

Al: ...

**_click_**

Ed: Why does everyone do that to me? Does my breath stink? _Huff huff..._Ewww...it does smell bad.

**_click_**

Al!!! Do you have any gum?

* * *

REVIEW PLEZ!!!

and I would like to thank my editor ReallyCoolandHotDork.

R.C.A.H.D. : thank you!!!!! -jumps up and down and then bows-

chapter two should be here sometime soon...i think.


	2. Are you really Gay?

Hello again! Sorry it took so long for me to get the second chapter out...

Oh yeah... WARNING: this chapter contains perverted things.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own FMA or anything else mentioned in this chapter.

enjoy...

* * *

Roy: Oh Edward! -sings- 

Ed: Edward Elric is not here so leave a message after the beep.

Roy: ...

Ed: ...

Roy: So?! Where's the damn beep?!?!

Ed: There's not a damn beep!!!!!!!

Roy: Well why not!?

Ed: Because your gay and I only except calls from married men.

Roy: FINE THEN!

**_click_**

Ed: ...

-a minute passes-

**_click_**

Roy: Okay so I'm married, now will you take my calls, my darling Fu-Fu Cuddly Poops? **(A/N That name came from Avatar...which I don't own either.)**

Ed: What the hell did you call me?!

Roy: Nothing! I said nothing! -mumbles- My dear sweetie pie hunny buns...

Ed:...Are you seriously gay!?

**_click_**

Riza: No, he's just Bisexual. Oh, and Edward? Roy proposed to me a moment ago, would this be your doing?

Ed: Um, yes ma'am. -mumbles- Please don't shoot me. He wanted me to take his calls and...

Riza: Edward...WOULD YOU JUST RETURN HIS DAMN CALLS ALREADY??!!! I thought I was going to vomit...

Roy: But...but...I-I really do love you Riza. -sobs-

Riza: Really?

Roy: Uh-huh. -cries-

Riza: Sir? Hell no!!! -gags-

**_click_**

Roy: Well Ed it looks like it's just you and me now.

Ed: ...Great... Just shoot me now!

**_click_**

Riza: -cocks guns-

Ed: Kidding...I was...Errr, kidding...heh heh?

**_click_**

Roy: Riza come back! -sobs again-

Ed: How touching...

Roy: I'll touch you.

Ed: What? Where?

Roy: Where do you want me to?

Ed: OH HELL! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU SAID BEFORE!!!!

**_click_**

Roy: Hello? Hello? Ed?! Darling pet?!?!

What you didn't know was that Alphonse was on the phone line next to Ed the whole time.

He was just too in shock to say anything.

-ELRICS' SIDE OF THE PHONE-

Al: uh...brother? is Roy really gay? Cause it sure did sound like it...WAIT!!! you aren't gay with him are you!!???! OH BIG BROTHER!!!

Ed: OH HELL NO! I thought he said...uh...Altoochoo...you know...the...uh..city? yeah that's it!

Al: ...

* * *

I hope you liked this chapter and once again it wouldn't be half as funny if i didn't have my editor! 

Go reallycoolandhotdork!! (thats her username go check out her stories)

R.C.A.H.D. : Thank you! but if anyone is rude when flaming you will be clubbed, gagged, and dragged away to be eaten by Gluttony (we keep him locked in a cage just in case).

Me: uh...yeah...what she said... -starts to back away-

chapter 3 in progress...


	3. Uncle?

Alright I know all my chapters take awhile before comming out so I think everyone that stills waits around for them.

This, like every other chapter, is weird beyond reason. All of this is just random nothing is ever really intended. Okay anyway...

Disclaimer (ta-da): I own nothing... -sobs-

* * *

Roy: Hey baby..

Ed: -gags- Why are you on the phone with me again?

Roy: Because I love you, Fu-fu.

Al: Um, ewwww.

Ed: AL!!! YES!!! Someone else, finally!

_click_

Envy: You wanted someone else?

Ed: NO!!! Ah hell...why do I bother?

Al: Huh?

Roy: He said bother. Not brother.

Al: Oh. Sorry Brother.

Ed: It's fine.

Roy: You know Al, you sound pretty sexy over the phone.

Al: What?! Umm...thank you? I guess? But I'm not-

Roy: Oh, neither am I. -grins-

Ed: ROY! STOP MESSING WITH MY LITTLE BROTHER YOU BASTARD!!!

Roy: OH! YAY! He's angry again...hee hee...-laughs like the gayfer he is-

Envy: ANYWAY! BACK TO ME!! Roy...you can't like the bean.

Ed: I AM NOT A-

Envy: Yeah, okay, whatever. Shut up.

Roy: Why can't I love my Fu-Fu?

Ed: WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU WAN-

Al: Yeah, why?

Ed: Ugh...

Envy: Cause Roy...I am your father. Which makes Ed your uncle. Live with it. Life sucks. Bye-bye now. DADDY LOVES YOU ROY!

_click_

Roy: But...but...

Al: Um, doesn't that mean that Ed's the boss? I mean...

Ed: Hmm, why Al, my dear brother. You may just be correct.

Roy: Damnit to hell and back.

Ed: Now my loving nephew...you know you're not allowed to say such things...tsk, tsk. Shame on you. Am I going to have to tell Riza your whole life's history?

Roy: But you don't know it!

Al: Of course he does, he's your uncle. Duh, nephew.

Roy: Wait. This means "The Robot" is my uncle too?

Ed: NO!! YOU JUST KILLED A KITTY!! AL! GO SAVE IT!!!

Al: OH NO!!!

_click_

Ed: Muahahahaha...

Roy: What are you planning?

Ed: Ahahaha...now that that innocent mind is off the pho-

_click_

Al: BROTHER!! I CAN'T FIND IT!!

Ed: It's in Amestris.

Al: OKAY!!

_click_

Ed: As I was saying-

_click_

Al: BROTHER!! WHERE'S THAT?!?!

Ed: Infront of your face.

Al: OKAY!!!

_click_

Ed:...

Roy:...

Ed:...

Roy:...

Ed:...Okay, it's safe. Now like I was say-

_click_

Ed: IT'S DYING AL GO GET IT HURRY!! TRUST ME, YOU'LL FIND IT!! TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!!

Riza: What was that Edward?

Ed: OH GOD!!! Umm...-cough- nothing -cough- I have a soar throat, sir...uhhh...

Riza: Uh-huh...Roy?

"..."

Riza: I KNOW YOU'RE THERE!! I'LL STOP TUCKING YOU IN IF YOU DON'T ANSWER, SIR!!!

Roy: Okay!!! Yes, Hawkeye?

Riza: You have to get off the phone. Right now.

Ed & Roy: WHY?!?!?!

Riza: Please...Roy...help...-choking sound-

Roy: RIZA DARLING!!!

_double clicks_

Ed: Well, damn. I wanted to make his life a living hell.

------------------------------

-Roy and Riza's side of the phone-

Roy: Thanks Lieutenant. You saved me on that one.

Riza:-strangled sound- Sir...help...me...-chokes-

Roy: You can cut it out now, Hawkeye.

Riza:...

SIL-----ENCE

Roy: Hawkeye? Hawkeye?

-line goes dead-

Roy: OH GOD!!!

* * *

Okay this chapter was really written by my editor. Some how our roles were reversed. She wrote it and I edited it. I guess I got to lazy or something.

Anyway...go check out her stories they're awsome. And I don't know when chapter 4 will be here. It's late, I think it's car broke down or something...-crickets chrip- O.O well anyway...


	4. the hell do we call this chapter?

Okay everyone that was waiting on this chapter I AM SOOOOO SORRY!

FORGIVE ME!!!! -cries and runs into the corner of -'woe'-

I'm really sorry for making you guys wait. I'm a procrastinator, okay so that and I:

-had no ideas

-had no time

-am just a lazy ass

Anyways…no one ever really reads this part so I'm gonna get on with the story now.

* * *

Wrath: Hello?

Lust: ...

Wrath: Hello!?!?! Where's mommy!?!?!

Lust: Not here you stupid child.

Wrath: waaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Sloth: Shut up already. You're giving me a migraine

Wrath: muh muh mommy?

Sloth: I'm not your f--cking mommy (ha-ha the Ring 2)

Wrath: WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Lust: Envy you idiot now look what you did!

Envy/Sloth: It's not my fault the brat is so damn gullible

Lust: -sigh- This is so pointless...

Ed: So then GET OFF THE PHONE LINE!

Envy: Pipsqueak!

Ed: I'M NOT A-

Envy: where's my son?

Ed: ...-grins- He's...away right now.

Envy: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM!?! ...not that I really care, but I should at least sound concerned.

Ed: -evil cackle-

-To Roy We Go!-

Roy: This is so fun! -giggles this fagly giggle-

Riza: Sir, do I really have to be here?

Roy: Well of course you do.

Riza: I'll never understand why I have to give you a bubble bath.

Roy: Then don't think too much about it. Now hand me my rubber...

Riza: O.O -her face-

Roy: ducky!! -giggles again-

Riza: -frustrated sigh- Could you at least put on underwear?

Roy: You don't wear underwear in the tub.

Riza: -growls-

-Back to the Pointless Phone Call!-

Envy: ...

Lust: ...

Wrath: ...-still sobbing-

_**click**_

Scar: HAS ANYONE SEEN MY PRECIOUS KAIN!?!?! I LOST HIM AT CENTRAL PARK!!!!!!!

Ed: damn hobo again...

Scar: -cries and stupid fag like cry then turns mad (maybe he's bipolar) - I WILL TAKE MY FURY OUT ON ANYONE IN MY WAY!

_**click**_

Kain (Furey): Did you call?

Scar: OH MY GOD! YOUR HERE!

Kain: Well I ran off to chase a butterfly and you were gone when I got back. I THOUGHT YOU'D WAIT FOR ME!!!!!!

_**click**_

Scar: NO WIAT! I CAN EXPLAIN!

_**click**_

Ed: ...umm...

Envy: And I thought I was gay…

Lust: You are. Still

Envy: yeah I know.

Wrath: MOMMY!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH MOMMYMOMMYMOMMY!!!!!!!! -runs in pointless circles no can see because they're on the phone-

Lust: Someone shut that brat up.

Envy: I'm on it...

_**click**_

Lust: ...

Ed: ...

Author: ...

Wrath: AHHHH NO BACK AWAY FROM ME NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! MOMMY SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!! -line goes dead-

Lust: ...

Ed: ...

_**click**_

Envy: Okay now.

Ed: What did you do to him?!?!

Envy: ...-grins-

Sloth (real Sloth): Has anyone seen my Wrath?

Ed: …uhh…Bye

_**click**_

Lust: uhh...I have to sharpen my nails?

_**click**_

Sloth: ...Envy?

Envy: What? It's not my fault he wouldn't shut up…

Sloth: Did you do something to my baby? –begins to get angry-

Envy: umm…well see…

_**click**_

Envy: ….hello?

-Few Minutes Later-

Envy: Hey Sloth… uhh…what do you plan to do with that? Your not gonna….WAIT STOP!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Line Goes Dead-

* * *

Okay sooo… if anyone has any random ideas for the next chapter, feel free to message me or say something in the reviews. I hope I get the next chapter out a lot sooner. :D 


	5. it's raining rubber ducks

so sorry I know it's been ages since I've updated this story. I'm currently working on a Death Note fic so this will still be put off...maybe. I just need some ideas... IF ANYONE HAS ANY RANDOM IDEAS I _WILL _MAKE SURE THEY ARE PUT IN THE STORY :D

Thank you to **Soichiro** for the idea of this chapter.

reviews help me too... oh yeah...

**DISCLAIMER: I don't FMA...no matter how much I want to. -sob-**

* * *

Ed: Why are we always on the phone with nothing to say? 

Al: Why are we always on the phone when we are standing next to each other?

Winry: Why do you always break your automail?

Ed: Hey, when did you get here?!?!

Winry: What you don't want me here?

Ed: WHEN DID I SAY THAT?!?!?!?

Winry: Oh… so you do want me here?

Al: oooo :3 ...bigbrotherloveswinrybigbrotherloveswinry

Ed: WHAT?!?!

Winry: Oh God would you quit yelling?

Ed: There is no such

Winry: Is so

Ed: Is not

Winry: Oh yeah Mr. Nonreligious?

_**click**_

Ed: ...?

Al: ...?

Ed: ...Okay

-3 minutes later-

_**click**_

Arakawa: Edward God is real.

Ed: What?!? Prove it…

Arakawa: God, please make it rain rubber ducks to show this idiot you are real.

Ed: IDIOT?!?!

-rubber ducks fall from nowhere-

Al: Look, they all have happy faces

Ed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-To Roy We Go!-

Roy: O.M.G. a dream come true :3!!! I will gather them and create an army. RIZA JOIN ME IN MY DUCKIE ARMY AND WE WILL RULE!!!! Heehee (homo man giggle again) we can go on many quests together...and you can wear a mini, mini skirt…and…

Riza: Oh dear God please help me…

Roy: Silly woman there is no such thing

Riza: ... -shakes head- Idiot...

-Back to Others We Go!!-

Winry: See Ed, proved it.

Ed: humph..

Winry: Don't be a sore loser

Ed: I'm not!!

Winry: Are to!!

Ed: Are not you stupid mechanic!!!

Winry: Are to you stupid alchemist!!!

Ed: GREASE MONKEY!!

Winry: ALCHEMY OTAKU!!

Ed: You're so dumb it's annoying..

Winry: You're so short it's annoying..

Ed: WHAT?!?!

Winry: Can you not hear? Am I too high up for you?

Ed: RAWR -fumes-

Winry: Your yelling is giving me a headache.

_**click**_

Al: ...

Ed: -fuming-

Al: Brother, you should really apologize...

Ed: ME!?!?! WHY ARE YOU TAKING HER SIDE?!?! I'M YOUR BROTHER!!!

Al: She's right, all this yelling gives people headaches...

_**click**_

Ed: ...WAIT…BUT YOU CAN'T GET A HEADACHE !!!

_**click**_

Roy: Never fear Roy is here!!!

_**click**_

Roy: ...Fullmetal? ...Ed? ...Fufu?

* * *

Roy is alone...with his ducks...scary thought...

anyways...next chapter sometime when I fry up an idea or someone else hands me one...

thanks for reading XD


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